The Mommy Dating Game

When you become a mom, you come to the realization that certain things can never be the same. You can never go to the bathroom without company again; or at least not without entertaining some type of interruption. You will seldom find peace in a full nights sleep. Or if its anything similar to my household, you will never get more then an hour of consecutive sleep. Between a child complaining their socks fell off, another complaining their blankets make their heart too warm one minute and too cold the next, and a baby that wakes up every time one of their siblings enters the room. Lets not forget the dog (80lb lab)…who is just a big baby himself and sleeps in our bed cuddled up next to my husband.

Out of all the things that changed once I became a mom, the worst is mom dating! Sure you still have your friends, but if they don’t have children, its just not the same. Sometimes you just need that mom friend you can call up and vent about how frustrated you are playing barbie and ken day in and day out. That one friend you can call that will understand remotely anything questionable about your parenting. Your child stuck a pea up his nose? She has probably been there! You’re freaking out because your child thought eating an ant would be a good idea? She will be there to calm you down. The issue is finding that mom friend!

Sometimes I get so frustrated because it seems virtually impossible to find someone who will get me as me and me as a parent. I am so over mom dating! You meet a mom while out shopping and see she is having the same struggles as you in the store. You become kindred spirits for the next 5 minutes bonding about whose child tried to sneak what into the cart or said what appalling comment whilst passing that elderly man over there. You exchange phone numbers and agree to meet for a play date.

You meet each other for a play date. While play dates may be great for kids, they aren’t always that way for the moms! child: “I like your princess shirt, want to be best friends?” and so the seamlessly easy life long friendship begins. While the moms are stuck making small talk. Once that runs out you run into the awkward pause stages. Then that mom makes that one racist or offensive comment. Great. You’re still stuck there for another 2 hours with a mom you neither like nor have nothing in common with. It was bound to be a socially awkward disaster from the get go.

And this happens over and over and over…I just want to find that one person that gets me!

Wouldn’t it be great if there was a way to pre screen potential mom friends?! Avoid these doomed play dates from the start. I recently became apart of a facebook group that is exactly for that purpose! A group for moms to pre date, they fill out a questionnaire, post it, and find their perfect mate! Yes, seriously.

Age: 24, currently pretending to live like a 5 year old however. Hiding out in a blanket fort on my bed coloring.

Number of kids: 3 precious little angels, whose halos are held up by their horns

What would get togethers entail: Anything with human interact far away from barbies and the repeated playings of mickey mouse club house. Really anything!

Do you drink: Do you breath air? Okay a tad over zealous considering I am EBF, but really I miss alcohol.

Thoughts on religion: to each their own!

Coffee drinker: this is a question? It’s the only thing that keeps me semi sane and motivated

Things to do in free time: HA! what is that? I mean I can’t even go to the bathroom alone. I guess I would start with that if I had free time. Then sleep. That’s next on my list. How much free time are we talking?

Ideal date night: Anything not involving kids! “netflix and chill”

Favorite Season: Christmas. Yes that is a season

Favorite holiday: I think I answered that one for you already (:

Drink: well coffee, and coffee, water, then some coffee

Food: Yes. I eat food. I like it very much.

If you’re a mom who likes coffee, loves her kids but needs sanity, and likes to eat. lets be friends! Extra points if you drink a  glass of wine or a cold beer every night and won’t judge me for the type of phone calls you are bound to receive from me about which child decided to run pantless through the store.

Well you get the idea! The questions could go on. Describing what your children like, how they act, your thoughts on politics if you want to get that in depth! Just think of all that social awkwardness you could avoid. Making friends isn’t as easy as it was in kindergarten anymore. Too bad I can’t just walk up to another mom and ask to be her best friend when she shared her crayons with me.